Celibate whilst living together- Testimonial
I loved God from a young age; I believe I was around 12 years old when I independently decided to start praying every night before I went to sleep. I had a bible that was donated to me by a Jehovah Witness lady that used to visit our home. To be honest, I didn’t understand anything of the bible back then. As soon as I’d open it all I saw was endless words. But what I did know is that God existed, and I had to pray to him daily.
I was raised by a wonderful and passionate single mother that really went above and beyond to make a good life for her children. My mother took on the male and female role in our household. It was very important to her to make us understand from a very young age that a woman needs to be independent. Therefore I had to know how to cook, clean, be educated and know how to generate my own income. Mostly of what she taught me about men is that they can’t be trusted, I always need to be suspicious, be on my guard and most of all they had to add value to my life by showing me appreciation through monetary generosity. I suppose her views were based on her own life experience. With these life lessons I started dating in my teenage years.
I soon noticed that my ‘I-don’t-need-you –attitude’ towards men made me somewhat intriguing but also made it difficult for boyfriends to really win me over. This attitude resulted in promiscuous behaviour on my end as I felt my independence justified my actions. At some point I decided to take a break from the dating scene and I was supposed to do so for a year. Before I got to this part of my life though, I met someone special at the age of 19. We dated for a few months, due to trust issues we ended up breaking up. I didn’t need this man; is what I told myself and I blocked him on all communication channels.
For some strange reason he was able to message me about six months later even though he was on the block-list. Long story short, we ended up living together after two years. Due to circumstances my mother in-law ended up living with us for a year which did not make things easier. We faced every difficulty of being in a relationship that you could possibly face. I had trust issues, I was extremely jealous, and we have dealt with infidelity. Thinking back, it would have been so easy to give up on each other and to just move on but something inside me was unconditional love. Through all the mistakes we both made, I still felt this man was the love of my life and one day we’d get it right.
I remember wondering about getting married after being together for three years. He always told me when the time would be right, he would ask. One thing he kept commenting on was that he needed me to be more submissive. Submission was not much in my nature, but I decided to read on it in Ephesians 5:22 ‘’Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.’’. The more I read the more my heart started to soften up on the matter. I started to let go of the life lessons given to me in early childhood. In the meantime, I decided to stay patient. I got baptized in 2012 and from that time on the Word of God really spoke to me as I was reading my bible. What a huge difference from my childhood attempts! My boyfriend and I, by that time, had already been living together for about four years. It was the summer of 2013 we both had just graduated and finally we got engaged. Our vision was for us to save up for our wedding and get married in the year of 2015, summertime.
I remember at some point somewhere mid 2014 talking to one of my close friends Vanessa. I had shared my vision for the wedding. We started praying and she shared that the Holy Spirit had revealed to her that I’d be married before the end of 2014. I told her: ‘no way’, we wanted to get married in the summer, and I didn’t see that happening. Besides, we really didn’t have the funds yet.
At some point I started feeling a heavy conviction as we were engaging in fornication. I had always justified it in my head as; we are in a committed relationship therefore we are as good as a married. Needless to say, this was not the vision of the Holy Spirit. Also, the Holy Spirit would always remind me of the scripture of the woman at the well in the book of John 4.
Hence we decided to look to God and return to him as children. We decided to no longer engage in fornication until we were married. This was not easy at all and the Holy Spirit reminded me of the scripture in 1 Corinthians 7:9 ‘’ but if they can’t control themselves, they should go ahead and marry. It’s better to marry than to burn with lust.’’. We decided to move the wedding forward. We actually got married six months later as Vanessa had seen on December the 24th of 2014.
I never thought that deciding to become celibate would cause us to move our wedding plans forward. Indeed as we can read in Romans 8:28 ‘’all things work together for our good’’.
I want to encourage you to look to God to rebuild your foundation. It is never too late to turn to God. He is a loving and forgiving Father. He will make a way for you where there seems to be no way. He will give u peace and happiness when u allow Him to be in control. That is the most important lesson I’ve learnt over the years.