The journey of an unmarried Christian woman has many challenges, having to juggle to try and meet the standards of the world as well as the Christian norm and values. It’s a paradox, wanting to fulfill the attributes of the modern day woman and fueling oneself with the ways of God. Many Christian women are dying, and yet not acknowledging the deep rooted aspects to why. For many, this aspect doesn’t make sense; I am keeping myself for marriage, I have only been “so far” with my partner/ we have not gone all the way, hence why I am on the route to hell? I can share that from my own personal experience that I was that Christian. Having had my first encounter with the Lord at age 13, I always knew it was not right to have sex before marriage, as that was the expectation of a Christian. I was unable to quote any biblical scriptures but I knew it was wrong. Many times we are not taught why it is wrong; we just know it’s the Christian norm. Here are some questions/statements Christian women have asked me:
- I mean as long as we just kiss it’s okay isn’t it?
- As long as it doesn’t go beyond touching it is fine?
- I can count the number of people I have slept with one hand so I’m not as bad as the girl who has multiple boyfriends, had an abortion or is a single mother right?
- If I repent each time after having sex, God will forgive me won’t He?
- If I continue to sleep with him, cook/clean his house and look after him, he will marry me eventually
- I can continue to accept gifts and financial support from a guy who is not my husband, he’s offering them anyway.
- We are engaged now so it’s okay for us to start sleeping together
The list of compromising statements is endless and the word of God clearly states “that my people perish for lack of knowledge”- Hosea 4:6. Within the body of Christ there are various standards Christian women have set in their relationships; from kissing, masturbation and having sex. The question you have to ask yourself is what would Jesus do? Jesus is able to see our heart and our physical activities; is He happy with your thoughts and actions? I pray that God will give you the discernment to answer these questions.
Having lived in sexual sin myself, I knew deep down inside what I was doing wrong was wrong but did not have the strength to stop fornicating. I knew God was real and was willing to try and live a righteous life but had no self-control. It was not until I wept and cried unto the Lord for help that He was able to deliver me and use me for His kingdom. He was not able to use me in His kingdom until I repented, kept my body as His temple and fully surrendered to Him. This is when He opened my spiritual eyes and used me as His prophetic vessel. Does that mean that I don’t get tempted? Of course I do, I have to die to the flesh DAILY! Nevertheless, the fear of hell and having countless divine interactions with the Lord Himself has installed a great deal of fear towards the Father. Repentance is the first step to victory. I encourage you to take that same leap of faith for yourself. Remember that if He woke you up this morning, He still has a great plan for you and it is not too late regardless of how far you have gone. An example of this is Rahab (read the book of Joshua) who was a prostitute. Regardless of her sinful nature, because of her obedience to God, the greatest man to have ever lived fell into her lineage!
Many Christian women lie about their sexual activities and remain in bondage and sin because of it. Everyone wants to be the holy girl. Nevertheless we all fall short. Remember you don’t have to have done the act to have committed a sin. No sin is greater than the other! Let’s be open about our shortfalls and pray for one another rather than condemning (1 Corinthians 6:19 “As it is written, There is none righteous, no, not one”). You will come to realise that many Christian women are struggling with the same issues as you are, do not be afraid to share. By exposing the enemy we gain victory over our short fallings.
If your desire is to be married, ask God to prepare you to be a wife, what your individual and marriage purpose is in His kingdom. The martial institution is not just about having a man, having sex and children in wedlock, there is a godly ministry attached to it. This is why it is important to marry the right person. Be bold enough to ask God who your husband is and to reveal it to you. Be bold enough to pray and say: Father, if this man is of you reveal it to me and if not, cut him off from my life. I have in fact prayed that prayer 3 times and each time I never heard from those guys again (Jeremiah 33:3 “Call to me and I will answer you and show you great and mighty things, which you do not know”). Some of us Christian women are desperate to get married, put pressure on our Christian brothers, are too focused on the lavish white wedding and forget that it is a lifetime commitment!
Be patient to wait on God, whilst He prepares your husband and most importantly prepares you! Believe that Gods timing is perfect and that everything happens for our God; even if it doesn’t make sense to us.