Growing up fatherless

2016-07-13-08-26-58Growing up fatherless has moulded me into the individual I am today. The pros and cons intertwined together have made me unique. It was not until I started attending primary school that I realized I didn’t have a father. To me it was normal and I was very content with my loving mother. My earliest memory of desiring a father was during the days leading up to father’s day. Each year, we made lovely gifts for our daddy’s during class time. Each year, I would give the creative item to my mummy and the children in my class did not understand why. They didn’t understand why my dad was not present, let alone that I had never met him. I remember one year, mum wrapping the father’s day gift and she promised me she would personally deliver it to my father on her trip to our motherland. As promised, she captured the memorable moment of the gentleman holding my gift, and two decades later, I still embrace the photographic image.

I did always wonder what it would have been like growing up with a father. How would he have impacted my life? Would life have been easier? Would he be the person I would run to if mum was not able to provide for a particular need? Why was is it that all my friends had both their parents growing up and I did not meet him until the age of 8?

As I became older, I was judged a lot for not having grown up with a father and was automatically labelled as having “daddy issues”. The concept of “daddy issues” lingers among women who did not grow up with their father. As much as the imbalance remains evident in individuals that did not grow up with both parents, this concept should not be used as an immediate judgement towards an individual. However, in instances whereby other things are used to replace the emptiness faced by an individual due to the imbalance, there is a cause of concern.     

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It was always a lifelong prayer for me to get to know my father and spend time with him. God was merciful and this came to pass (read blog post Rejected but not forgotten). The experience was by far the most heartbreaking and painful one I have encountered to date, but I still thank God for answering my prayer.

At times in our lives when we desire things that God never gave us. We wonder whether God made a mistake or whether He forgot about us. We repetitively ask Him  “Why” and it seems God is silence. God is a loving a merciful God who protects His children in ways that one cannot express. In hindsight, I thank God for not allowing me to grow up with my father. I would not have had the great childhood I had and would not have been moulded into the person I am today. God protected me from disappointment and heartache and I thank Him for that. I thought I had missed out but God was protecting me all along.

A word encouragement for all who grew up in similar circumstance as myself: it is well. As cliché as it may sound, God is the only father who will love you unconditionally and never let you down. He is always there to protect you and always has your best interest. Although at times we may not see it, He always wants the best for us. May God teach us to be content with Him.

Matthew 7:11 So if you sinful people know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your heavenly Father give good gifts to those who ask him.

Let us stand together in prayer and ask God to restore us. May He remove all the disappointment, pain, rejection and heal us. May He give us the grace to forgive our parents and to see them the way He sees them. Let us thank God for His hand of protection over us and for the way our life has turned out. Our lives may not have gone the way we had anticipated, but God is still in control. May we rise up above all stereotypes, they shall not define us nor be part of us in Jesus name.

Psalm 27:10 Even if my father and mother abandon me, the LORD will hold me close.

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Growing up fatherless- prayer

Dear heavenly Father,

I give You all praise and all the glory. I thank You for this time. Thank you for preserving and loving me unconditionally. Thank You for the gift of life, it is only by Your grace that I am still alive. Today, I bring the issue concerning my father to You. Lord, I have so many questions, and few answers. It was not easy not growing up fatherless. There were times when I felt rejected, unwanted and unworthy because he was not there. It was not easy and at times I still feel this way. I pray that You will take all these things away in the name of Jesus. I pray that You will replace them with the fruit of the spirit. I pray for Your divine healing, that You will fully heal me from all emotional pain. I pray that You will fill any emptiness I may be feeling. May You turn my mourning into joy. Help me to see the positive aspect in all this. I thank You for all that You have protected me from. Give me the grace to forgive my father for not being there. Help me to love Your son the way You do and to see him the way You see him. Help me to understand that only You can fully satisfy every need. In areas where I have been trying to fill the emptiness with other things, I pray that You will deliver me. Help me not to depend on others but to fully depend on You. I pray that growing up fatherless will only impact by life positively and no longer negatively. I pray that I will see You as my father and may You meet my every need. AMEN

18 thoughts on “Growing up fatherless

  1. Thank God for God in our lives, who keeps and comforts us. God has never left you and He will never leave you and as He has brought you this far in Him, He will lead you up until you get to His heart desires for you. You’re not alone, keep on keeping on. God bless you!

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  2. my darling,
    i understand the rejection and many more associated negative experiences of growing up with ab absent dad . i went through it. However i love the way you handle it with such wisdom and insight that only comes from above.
    Every one of those negative things i went through has empowered for the ministry that God has called me to. When you come to Uganda I hope we will have more time to share .
    love you

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I can’t relate to this. Mine left when I was 4. I made wrong choices cos of the emptiness in me. I became a single mom. But I’m so glad I found God in the midst of it all. I can boldly call Him Abba because He holds me close. Even if my earthly father is not available, My Heavenly Father is here with me. God bless you Sis!

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  4. I being a dad myself, I believe the Love of an earthly Father’s is meant to model for us the Love of our Heavenly Father.
    But situations and circumstances in life happen and sometimes both parents just can’t stay together usually due to bad choices but in all the Love of our Heavenly Father still shines through.
    Sometimes we have to search through the mess to find Him.

    Thanks Van Van

    Liked by 1 person

  5. This post is everything and I can totally relate!

    Thank you for being transparent because in doing so you are liberating others through the rawness of your experience, the power of your testimony and the comfort of your prayers. God Bless you beautiful xxxx

    Liked by 1 person

  6. JMJ
    It seems as though you have found the pearl of great price, a treasure beyond compare. I think that is why you are the pearl sisters, you are the daughter of the King and therefore a treasure as well. Keep up the good work. Thank you for reading about the Servants of Charity. May many more answer the call to take up their cross and follow Him!

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  7. As a child, my father was in the home with me and my family; He was a good man. He was a man of peace and an excellent provider, but he was just there. Understand what l am saying, “he was there in the physical”, but there were times l felt as if he may not wanted to be there, at all because to me it would seem as if he was not happy being there. He ran around with other women, and even separated from my mother at one time, and still provided, and during the separation, l never went to visit him but my younger brother did whom he was very close with, and he told my brother about this other woman while still being legally married to my mother. I said all of that to say, just because a person is there doesn’t mean that they are “necessarily there.” Sometimes when a person is not present, it may be God’s way of protecting a person from more hurt, harm, or danger.

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