Category Archives: struggle

Discerning the season

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Seasonal people, we are indeed seasonal people. How do we know we are in a particular season and when will it end? Discerning the season can be tricky at times, and requires revelation from the Holy Spirit. Revelation brings about more clarity to ones’ situation, teaches valuable lifelong lessons and gives one hope.

My current season has had more lows than ups and I pondered why God allowed me to walk this journey. It can be depicted as a strong earthquake destroying all that is around it, all in a short frame of time – it is for a season. One may want to ask God What His purpose is for the current season. What is God trying to teach you? How does one pass the test? As uncomfortable as the season may be, one must walk and battle through it to get to the next phase in life.

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My biggest pain in this season has been the departure of John. I was 21 when I met John. I was at a Christian retreat in Uganda and we sat on the same breakfast table . “God is going to use you one day and you will have your own ministry, he said”. At the time I thought it was the most hilarious statement one had ever spoken concerning my life. “I mean people operate in their spiritual gifts as soon as they are born right? I don’t have any and I don’t even know how to pray. Moreover, I have committed the worst sins ever, there was no way God was ever going to be able to use me”. But he insisted He saw the revelation clearly and told me He would walk with me during my spiritual walk. During the prayer meeting, John uttered a few words and the presence of the Holy Spirit touched me in a way I have never experienced before. The Holy Spirit was real and I felt transformed. I later found out that he was one of the ministers at the church and I always admired his humility.

When I returned to the UK, we remained in touch and whenever he had time he continued to guide me in the ways of the Lord. He became like a spiritual father to me. His church grew to countless numbers of attendees, God blessed him with a huge teaching and deliverance ministry. He had his own TV show on the Ugandan television and a slot on the Christian radio station. He was a man who loved people of all dominions and would always go to the hospital to pray for my Islamic grandmother. After witnessing him healing and delivering many individuals, I also witnessed a personal testimony which touched the depth of my heart. He prayed for my unbelieving mother and she received Jesus as her Lord and savior. That was one of the most treasurable moments of my life.

It was always my heart’s desire to be able to pray for the man of God. I wanted him to see the work the Lord had done in me in five years since the retreat. In January 2016, this came to pass and he was astonished by the spiritual growth. It was as if it was a proud father/daughter moment and he encouraged me to keep pushing my ministry.

However, July 2016, John unexpectedly passed away at the age of 40. It was such a tremendous shock to me and it felt as if my life was over. Why him? How am I going to be able to carry on this spiritual journey alone? I physically cannot take this pain. He was such a great spiritual figure in my life, within my family and had become family to us. Why did he have to go so soon? His ministry has only just started and the body of Christ needs him! However, it was his season to be with the Lord.

The Holy Spirit comforted me by referring me back to the disciples and how they responded to Jesus’ crucifixion. They did not fully comprehend His purpose and why He had to leave them. However, they knew they needed to keep walking, keep fighting the good fight of faith and to continue the work Jesus had started. That is what has encouraged me to keep on going.

As much as this season has been a time of mourning, it has also been a season of growth for me spiritually. I have had to learn to stand on my own two feet and strengthen my relationship with the Father. It is a season where I have been forced to be bold and keep my eyes on Jesus, despite my current circumstance. There are aspects of myself I would not have been able to identify had I not gone through this low season and in the long run it has made me a better person. I thank God for the season He gave me with John, for the valuable lessons I learnt from him and for giving me someone who believed in what God was planning for my life. I would not have been the Christian I am not today had I not met him. God has reminded me that the Holy Spirit who worked through John is still alive. We cannot give up, regardless of how painful our current situation is. We have to continue with His work as our time is precious and there is still a lot of work to do!


Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

To everything there is a season,

A time for every purpose under heaven:

A time to be born,

    And a time to die; A time to plant,     And a time to pluck what is planted;  A time to kill,     And a time to heal; A time to break down,     And a time to build up;  A time to weep,     And a time to laugh; A time to mourn,     And a time to dance;  A time to cast away stones,     And a time to gather stones; A time to embrace,     And a time to refrain from embracing;  A time to gain,     And a time to lose; A time to keep,     And a time to throw away;  A time to tear,     And a time to sew; A time to keep silence,     And a time to speak;  A time to love,     And a time to hate; A time of war,     And a time of peace


The Purity of a Christian Woman

The journey of an unmarried Christian woman has many challenges, having to juggle to try and meet the standards of the world as well as the Christian norm and values. It’s a paradox, wanting to fulfill the attributes of the modern day woman and fueling oneself with the ways of God. Many Christian women are dying, and yet not acknowledging the deep rooted aspects to why. For many, this aspect doesn’t make sense; I am keeping myself for marriage, I have only been “so far” with my partner/ we have not gone all the way, hence why I am on the route to hell? I can share that from my own personal experience that I was that Christian. Having had my first encounter with the Lord at age 13, I always knew it was not right to have sex before marriage, as that was the expectation of a Christian. I was unable to quote any biblical scriptures but I knew it was wrong. Many times we are not taught why it is wrong; we just know it’s the Christian norm. Here are some questions/statements Christian women have asked me: 

  • I mean as long as we just kiss it’s okay isn’t it? 
  • As long as it doesn’t go beyond touching it is fine 
  • I can count the number of people I have slept with one hand so I’m not as bad as the girl who has multiple boyfriends, had an abortion or is a single mother right? 
  • If I repent each time after having sex, God will forgive me won’t He? 
  • If I continue to sleep with him, cook/clean his house and look after him, he will marry me eventually 
  • I can continue to accept gifts and financial support from a guy who is not my husband, he’s offering them anyway 
  • We are engaged now so it’s okay for us to start sleeping together 

The list of compromising statements is endless and the word of God clearly states “that my people perish for lack of knowledge”- Hosea 4:6. Within the body of Christ there are various standards Christian women have set in their relationships; from kissing, masturbation and having sex. The question you have to ask yourself is what would Jesus do? Jesus is able to see our heart and our physical activities; is He happy with your thoughts and actions? I pray that God will give you the discernment to answer these questions. 

Having lived in sexual sin myself, I knew deep down inside what I was doing wrong was wrong but did not have the strength to stop fornicating. I knew God was real and was willing to try and live a righteous life but had no self-control. It was not until I wept and cried unto the Lord for help that He was able to deliver me and use me for His kingdom. He was not able to use me in His kingdom until I repented, kept my body as His temple and fully surrendered to Him. This is when He opened my spiritual eyes and used me as His prophetic vessel. Does that mean that I don’t get tempted? Of course I do, I have to die to the flesh DAILY! Nevertheless, the fear of hell and having countless divine interactions with the Lord Himself has installed a great deal of fear towards the Father. Repentance is the first step to victory. I encourage you to take that same leap of faith for yourself. Remember that if He woke you up this morning, He still has a great plan for you and it is not too late regardless of how far you have gone. An example of this is Rahab (read the book of Joshua) who was a prostitute. Regardless of her sinful nature, because of her obedience to God, the greatest man to have ever lived fell into her lineage! 

Many Christian women lie about their sexual activities and remain in bondage and sin because of it. Everyone wants to be the holy girl. Nevertheless we all fall short. Remember you don’t have to have done the act to have committed a sin. No sin is greater than the other! Let’s be open about our shortfalls and pray for one another rather than condemning (1 Corinthians 6:19 As it is written, There is none righteous, no, not one”). You will come to realise that many Christian women are struggling with the same issues as you are, do not be afraid to share. By exposing the enemy we gain victory over our short fallings.  

If your desire is to be married, ask God to prepare you to be a wife, what your individual and marriage purpose is in His kingdom. The martial institution is not just about having a man, having sex and children in wedlock, there is a godly ministry attached to it. This is why it is important to marry the right person. Be bold enough to ask God who your husband is and to reveal it to you. Be bold enough to pray and say: Father, if this man is of you reveal it to me and if not, cut him off from my life. I have in fact prayed that prayer 3 times and each time I never heard from those guys again (Jeremiah 33:3 “Call to me and I will answer you and show you great and mighty things, which you do not know”). Some of us Christian women are desperate to get married, put pressure on our Christian brothers, are too focused on the lavish white wedding and forget that it is a lifetime commitment!  

Be patient to wait on God, whilst He prepares your husband and most importantly prepares you! Believe that Gods timing is perfect and that everything happens for our God; even if it doesn’t make sense to us. 

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