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Rejected but not forgotten

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 Rejection, the big letter R word that no woman wants to be reminded of. The thrilling feeling accompanied with pain and shame. It’s a feeling which makes you feel devalued, unwanted and worthless. Having dealt with rejection at various stages in my life, the question which always came to mind is: was I not good enough? The first person to reject me was my father. From conception until the age of 9, he was nowhere to be seen. I was too young to understand why he was not there, but how do you miss something you never had? The longing and desire for a father grew by seeing my other friends with their daddies at the playground, daddy buying them their first barbie or sitting on daddies lap. Rejection robbed me of those experiences and many more.

It was not until the age of 9 when the opportunity came to meet the mystery man. I was full of excitement and anticipation. The big day came, I wore my best dress, had my biggest smile, but the mystery man did not show up. Uncontrollable tears fell down my cheek, and I told my aunt: “my daddy doesn’t love me”. As much as my aunt tried to console me, no words were able to fill that painful void. Two weeks later, the mystery man appeared; much taller than I expected, but his smile and hug made up for all the lost time and tears. At last, I was loved.

 It was not until 5 years later after the first meeting that I saw the mystery man again. At this point in my life, teenage emotions of rage and disappointed had subconsciously taken over. The communication had deteriorated and promises were never fulfilled, rejection eating me up inside. The question came back: was I not good enough? By this time he was unwell, in a coma on life support. I was remorseless and cold-hearted, in fact perhaps this was God’s way of punishing him for rejecting me. Nevertheless, I took the courage and went to his hospital bed. There he was, lifeless. I remember praying and asking God to wake him up and I promised that if he did, I would try to build a relationship with the mystery man and forgive him for all the pain he caused me. The next morning, he woke up and his smile and hug made up for all the lost time and pain. At last, I was loved.

Three years of occasional phone calls and emails went by, until one day he asked for me to move in with him. At last, after 17 years of waiting my daddy finally wanted me. Finally, I was good enough! Little did I know that those 10 months would be the worst months of my life and that I would feel emptier than ever. Rejection at its highest peak, a bleeding heart which was unsewable.

Piercing words which one can never take back, “pack you things and get out of my house”, “you are not my daughter”, “I don’t care if I don’t ever see you again”, have haunted me even in my adult life. Again the repetitive song came back again but in another format: why I am I not good enough? The discrete DNA test for me was the peak of pain and rejection. Our mirroring resemblance was not enough, he wanted biological proof. “The alleged father is not excluded as the biological father of Vanessa N. Based on the testing results obtained from the analyses of the DNA loci listed, the probability of paternity is 99.9%”. There was no apology or remorse. Vowing to fully disconnect from the mystery man, I tried to move on with my life; nevertheless the pain was unbearable. People say that time heals, but I believe it was a wound only the Lord was able to heal. Eight months later, he passed away. There I was at 19, empty, in pain and fatherless. This time he left me for good, never to return- rejection.

                                

The most important thing I have learnt from my experience with my father is that only the Lord can fully satisfy and love us unconditionally. Does that mean that we don’t need people in life? Yes we do. But people will always disappoint us in one way or another (Ecclesiastes 7:20-21 “For there is not a just man on earth who does good and does not sin. Also do not take to heart everything people say, lest you hear your servant cursing you”)

One mistake us humans make is to allow humans to determine our worth and value. We forget that Jesus Himself paid a price that no human being is able to ever pay for us (1 Peter 2:24 “He himself bore our sin in his body on the cross, so that we might die to sins and live for righteousness; by his wounds you have been healed”)

When we take a look at the bible, there was a lady called Leah (read Genesis 29) who was rejected by her father. Her father devalued her worth and beauty and gave her away unjustly. In addition to this, she was rejected by her husband. At times, us women hope that our husbands will be able to fill the void of rejection we received from our father, and forget that our husbands are humans- imperfect just like us. Only God is able to fully satisfy us. As much as Leah tried, no amount of ‘trying to please’ her husband changed his view towards her. The blessings God gave her did not sustain her because she was focused on making her husband love her. It was not until she turned to the Lord full-heartedly that she found the joy, love and comfort she was looking for.

(Genesis 29:31-35 “When the Lord saw that Leah was hated, he opened her womb, but Rachel was barren. And Leah conceived and bore a son, and she called his name Reuben, for she said, “Because the Lord has looked upon my affliction; for now my husband will love me.” She conceived again and bore a son, and said, “Because the Lord has heard that I am hated, he has given me this son also.” And she called his name Simeon. Again she conceived and bore a son, and said, “Now this time my husband will be attached to me, because I have borne him three sons.” Therefore his name was called Levi. And she conceived again and bore a son, and said, “This time I will praise the Lord.” Therefore she called his name Judah. Then she ceased bearing”)

Things I have learnt from being rejected:

  • Know who you are, be firm in your identify – do not allow a human to define this for you (Genesis 1:27 “God created man in His own image, in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them”)
  • The enemy can use the people closest to you to destroy your life (1Peter 5:8 “Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour”)
  • As a follower of Christ you will face rejection at some point in your life (2 Timothy 2:3 “Join with me in suffering, like a good soldier of Christ Jesus”).
  • God allows us to go through situations to build character in us (Galatians 5:22-23 “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law”)
  • Only God is able to fully heal you from pain and give you the grace to forgive (1 Samuel 30:6 “David was greatly distressed because the men were talking of stoning him; each one was bitter in spirit because of his sons and daughters. But David found strength in the LORD his God”)
  • Christ Himself was rejected by mankind (Isaiah 53:3 “He was despised and rejected by mankind, a man of suffering, and familiar with pain. Like one from whom people hide their faces he was despised, and we held him in low esteem”

 

Daily declaration

  •  I thank you God because when you created me, it was not by mistake but You had and still have a good purpose for my life
  • I am still alive because the future ahead is bright, regardless of my current situation
  • Reveal yourself to me, I desire a deeper relationship with You
  • Show me Your hidden mysteries through dreams and visions
  • Give me wisdom on how to be a woman of impact in this current generation
  • Mould be into a virtuous woman and a role model to other women
  • I am blessed and highly favoured wherever I go
  • I declare a legacy of faith over my life
  • I take authority over any generational curses in my lineage and declare victory over them
  • Reveal anything that I may have done that has displeased You, knowingly or unknowingly

Philipians 4:6-7

Prayer of healing

Dear Lord,

I thank You for today, for my life, for the lives of my family members and for good health (Psalm 118:1 “Oh, give thanks to the Lord, for He is good! For His mercy endures forever”). Thank You for waking me up today, You have decided to spare me because You still have good plans for my life (Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future). Thank You for loving me, although I fall short daily of your expectations, You have not deserted me (Romans 3:23 ” for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God”). Father, You are a loving and merciful dad, You have seen all the rejection I have gone through. People have pained, emotionally and physically. These are wounds only You are able to heal me (Psalm 34:18 “The LORD is close to the broken-hearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”). People have abandoned, rejected, despised and hurt me. God, heal these wounds with Your precious blood. You have seen every tear I have shed, You have seen the shame I have endure. I pray You will help me to forget about this experience. Erase the pain from the past for my life. I come against any spirit of rejection in my life and my in family lineage and I speak favour in Jesus name. I pray God that You will give me the grace to forgive, this does not come natural to me. I pray for those who have rejected me, that you will change their hearts and may salvation be their portion. I pray that you will fill any emptiness I may feel and that I will not look at any person/thing to fill this void. I pray God that in my marriage, it will be full of peace and joy and be content with the person You have given me. In Jesus precious name I pray, AMEN

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The purity of a Christian woman- prayers

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Help Meet

Father, I come before you because of my desire for marriage. I believe as your daughter it is my portion to enjoy the blessing of holy matrimony (Matthew 21:22 “And all things whatsoever ye shall ask in prayer, believing, ye shall receive”. I understand it is by Your grace that I will receive this blessing and not my works. I pray that You will first teach me how to be content with You Father and make You the centre of my life. I know that before my earthly husband You are my husband Lord (Isaiah 54:5 “For your Maker is your husband, the LORD of hosts is his name; and the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer,  the God of the whole earth he is called”).I surrender myself and my marriage unto you and have faith that the plans that you have for me are good (Romans 8:28 – “And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to His purpose”).

Lord, as it took a year to prepare Queen Esther, I pray that in this waiting period that You will prepare me to be a wife and mother. I pray that You will reveal my marriage purpose in Your kingdom. I pray Lord that You will teach me to have the characteristics to build my husband, home and children unto Your foundation (Ephesians 4:2 “Be always humble, gentle and patient. Show your love by being tolerant with one another”). Make me a spiritual adviser to my husband and children. Teach me how to fulfill my earthly purpose and how to be a blessing to others. I pray that you will teach me your love and help me to transfer this unto my household (Proverbs 31:26 “She opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue”). I pray that You will teach me to respect my husband and his leadership (Ephesians 5:22-24 “Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Saviour. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything”.

Teach me how to be submissive just like Sarah submitted to Abraham (1 Peter 3:6 “like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and called him her master. You are her daughters if you do what is right and do not give way to fear”). I dedicate my children unto You, for Your kingdom, for Your works as Your servants, as Hannah dedicated Samuel to You (1Samuel 1:27-28” I prayed for this child, and the LORD has granted me what I asked of him. So now I give him to the LORD. For his whole life he will be given over to the LORD. And he worshiped the LORD there”).I pray Lord that wherever my Adam is, that You will prepare him to be my husband and head of our household. I pray that when I meet him, that I will discern him with Your eyes and not at the ways of man. I declare purity over our courtship and pray that You will align his ways into Yours. I pray that he will respect me and love me the way You do (Ephesians 1:25:28 “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself”). In this time of preparation, I pray that You will protect him from the distractions of this world and may his eyes be fixed on You.

Thank you Lord for I believe You have answered my prayer. AMEN

Abuse 

Dear Heavenly Father, I come before You as Your servant, Your daughter, a daughter Zion. Father, there are many things that I have encountered, physically and emotionally. Lord, You see what man does not see, You know all things. I pray Lord that You will heal me, from all emotional abuse, from words that were spoken to me or over my life (Isaiah 53:5 “…By His stripes we are healed”). 

Where people have said painful words, I ask You to heal me Father and make me whole. Give me the grace to forgive them, because when we forgive those who trespass against us, You forgive our sins (1John 1:19 “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness”). Give me the grace to be able to pray for them. I pray against any form of bitterness, anger, pain, fear and sadness I may feel towards these people/this person. Holy Spirit, help me to understand that because You woke me up today, you still have a great plan for my life (Jeremiah 29:11 “For I know the plans I have for you,” says the LORD. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope”). 

I also pray for those who have hurt me, that salvation will be their portion and that they will desire a deeper relationship with You (Matthew 5:44” But I say to you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you). 

We give you praise Lord, all Glory goes to you. AMEN 

 

Dear Heavenly Father, 

In hard times it’s difficult to rejoice, but I thank you Lord for giving me another day. I come before you Lord, and ask you to wash me with your precious blood (Ephesians 1:7 “He is so rich in kindness and grace that he purchased our freedom with the blood of his Son and forgave our sins“). Father, you know my hidden secrets, You see all the painful encounters I have had. I pray Lord that You will heal me from all physical abuse. I pray You will help me to forget this painful experience and cleanse me with Your precious blood. I pray against self-pity, loneliness, depression and guilt. Remind me O Lord, that there is no condemnation in Christ Jesus and that you foresaw this matter before my existence on earth and You still died for my sins on the cross (Isaiah 46:10 “I make known the end from the beginning, from ancient times, what is still to come. I say, ‘My purpose will stand, and I will do all that I please”).I know that as Your servant at times we experience painful circumstances, but just as You won over death, help me to overcome this situation. Give me the grace to forgive those who have hurt me, it’s not easy but I know that Your grace is sufficient (2 Corinthians 12:9-10 “And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in needs, in persecutions, in distresses, for Christ’s sake. For when I am weak, then I am strong”. Teach me to be content in You and understand that only You can fully satisfy me and my every need.  May the Holy Spirit remind me that I am worth more than rubies. Help me not to be ashamed of my scars, but know that through this experience you will strengthen me for greater things, as your words says: “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me”- Philippians 4:13. Be with me O Lord, be my peace, strength now and forever more. 

AMEN 

                                                                        

Generational Curses 

Dear Lord, 

I thank you for today Father as I believe You are doing a new thing in my life and the lives of my family members today in Jesus name. Father, I bring the matter of marriage before your O Lord. I thank You my Lord, as I know as Your daughter that it is my portion to be married in. Right now Father, I come against any generational curses that have had legal right upon my marriage in the name of Jesus. I disconnect myself, and all my relatives from my father and mothers side in Jesus name. I pray Lord that where there has been a drought in the area of marriage in my family, I uproot it and plant a seed of prosperous marriages in Jesus name. I repent on behalf of my parents and ancestors for any form of polygamous activities in Jesus name. I come against any spirit of lust, perversion, idol worship, rebellion, witchcraft and sexual immorality in my family and I declare holiness and righteousness upon my entire family and children to come in Jesus name (Luke 10:19 ” I have given you authority to trample on snakes and scorpions and to overcome all the power of the enemy, nothing will harm you”). 

 I destroy everything that is contrary to Your will in my family blood line in Jesus name, I come against any jezebel spirit and command you to release yourself from my life and my family’s life in Jesus name. Any demonic forces that have been bringing the wrong men and women into our family, we disconnect ourselves from them in Jesus name. I destroy any evil dedications, traditions and witchcraft from myself and my entire family in Jesus name (Jeremiah 1:19 “They will fight against you, but they shall not prevail against you. For I am with you, says the Lord, to deliver you”). I declare salvation upon my entire lineage and declare that we belong in the lineage of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob. I destroy any spiritual marriage assigned to my life and that of my family in Jesus name. I destroy any curses of polygamy spoken over the men and women of our household in Jesus name. I rebuke shame and disgrace and declare honour upon our household. Wherever my Adam is, I declare that you will awaken and prepare him and bring us together at the appointed time. Delay shall no longer be my portion. Every prophetic word that You have spoken Lord over my marriage will start to manifest from today forward in Jesus name. I thank You Lord for this deliverance and for this breakthrough. I give You praise because just like David we shall sing to the songs of victory (2 Samuel 22 “David sang to the LORD the words of this song when the LORD delivered him from the hand of all his enemies and from the hand of Saul”). I thank you for this big testimony and my entire family shall have Your praise on their lips.  AMEN. 

  

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The Purity of a Christian Woman

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The journey of an unmarried Christian woman has many challenges, having to juggle to try and meet the standards of the world as well as the Christian norm and values. It’s a paradox, wanting to fulfill the attributes of the modern day woman and fueling oneself with the ways of God. Many Christian women are dying, and yet not acknowledging the deep rooted aspects to why. For many, this aspect doesn’t make sense; I am keeping myself for marriage, I have only been “so far” with my partner/ we have not gone all the way, hence why I am on the route to hell? I can share that from my own personal experience that I was that Christian. Having had my first encounter with the Lord at age 13, I always knew it was not right to have sex before marriage, as that was the expectation of a Christian. I was unable to quote any biblical scriptures but I knew it was wrong. Many times we are not taught why it is wrong; we just know it’s the Christian norm. Here are some questions/statements Christian women have asked me: 

  • I mean as long as we just kiss it’s okay isn’t it? 
  • As long as it doesn’t go beyond touching it is fine?  
  • I can count the number of people I have slept with one hand so I’m not as bad as the girl who has multiple boyfriends, had an abortion or is a single mother right? 
  • If I repent each time after having sex, God will forgive me won’t He? 
  • If I continue to sleep with him, cook/clean his house and look after him, he will marry me eventually 
  • I can continue to accept gifts and financial support from a guy who is not my husband, he’s offering them anyway.  
  • We are engaged now so it’s okay for us to start sleeping together 

The list of compromising statements is endless and the word of God clearly states “that my people perish for lack of knowledge”- Hosea 4:6. Within the body of Christ there are various standards Christian women have set in their relationships; from kissing, masturbation and having sex. The question you have to ask yourself is what would Jesus do? Jesus is able to see our heart and our physical activities; is He happy with your thoughts and actions? I pray that God will give you the discernment to answer these questions. 

Having lived in sexual sin myself, I knew deep down inside what I was doing wrong was wrong but did not have the strength to stop fornicating. I knew God was real and was willing to try and live a righteous life but had no self-control. It was not until I wept and cried unto the Lord for help that He was able to deliver me and use me for His kingdom. He was not able to use me in His kingdom until I repented, kept my body as His temple and fully surrendered to Him. This is when He opened my spiritual eyes and used me as His prophetic vessel. Does that mean that I don’t get tempted? Of course I do, I have to die to the flesh DAILY! Nevertheless, the fear of hell and having countless divine interactions with the Lord Himself has installed a great deal of fear towards the Father. Repentance is the first step to victory. I encourage you to take that same leap of faith for yourself. Remember that if He woke you up this morning, He still has a great plan for you and it is not too late regardless of how far you have gone. An example of this is Rahab (read the book of Joshua) who was a prostitute. Regardless of her sinful nature, because of her obedience to God, the greatest man to have ever lived fell into her lineage! 

Many Christian women lie about their sexual activities and remain in bondage and sin because of it. Everyone wants to be the holy girl. Nevertheless we all fall short. Remember you don’t have to have done the act to have committed a sin. No sin is greater than the other! Let’s be open about our shortfalls and pray for one another rather than condemning (1 Corinthians 6:19 “As it is written, There is none righteous, no, not one”). You will come to realise that many Christian women are struggling with the same issues as you are, do not be afraid to share. By exposing the enemy we gain victory over our short fallings.  

If your desire is to be married, ask God to prepare you to be a wife, what your individual and marriage purpose is in His kingdom. The martial institution is not just about having a man, having sex and children in wedlock, there is a godly ministry attached to it. This is why it is important to marry the right person. Be bold enough to ask God who your husband is and to reveal it to you. Be bold enough to pray and say: Father, if this man is of you reveal it to me and if not, cut him off from my life. I have in fact prayed that prayer 3 times and each time I never heard from those guys again (Jeremiah 33:3 “Call to me and I will answer you and show you great and mighty things, which you do not know”). Some of us Christian women are desperate to get married, put pressure on our Christian brothers, are too focused on the lavish white wedding and forget that it is a lifetime commitment!  

Be patient to wait on God, whilst He prepares your husband and most importantly prepares you! Believe that Gods timing is perfect and that everything happens for our God; even if it doesn’t make sense to us. 

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