Tag Archives: christianity

The blessed mourner

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Life has never been so overwhelming for me. I had encountered hardship and pain before, but this was one of a kind. There were days when I sat in silence and just did not know what to say anymore; I was puzzled and confused. How can so many hurtful things all happen at once, and why in this way?

The journey commenced in January 2015 when the Lord spoke to me and told me to urgently go to Uganda to pray for my grandmother. At first I doubted my hearing, especially since my grandmother was of a different faith. However, my prayer partner received the same revelation and said she would also accompany me on the journey.

So in April 2015, I went to Uganda. We asked my 87-year-old grandmother if she was receptive to us praying for her and she agreed. We laid our hands on her, prayed for her and her salvation. She was so grateful and asked when we would come back and pray for her. That was the last time I saw her. She passed away in December 2015.

Last time I saw my grandmother, April 2015
Last time I saw my grandmother, April 2015

             

I was shocked as I did not have an incline that she would pass, let alone that the significance of the prayer and that it would usher her into heaven. It really taught me that when God calls you to move and do something, you have to act instantly- no hesitation or doubt. I was really distraught by her death and as she passed away a few days before Christmas and my arrival in Uganda, it was a sombre mourning festive season.

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It was during this trip that I got my hearts desire to pray for John, a minister who spiritually guided me over the years (read blog post – Discerning the season). He was a man of God who I looked up to, who believed one-day God would use me and wanted to see its manifestation. He suddenly passed away in July 2016. It was very devastating and painful. For days, I would stay awake at night wondering if this was really happening. I just didn’t understand how someone who had just started such a huge ministry passed away so suddenly.

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Minister and close friend, John Baptist Mukajanga

During this time of mourning, is when I found out my cousin, brother and friend Hamim had been diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer. I don’t even know if the word “shocked” can sum up how I felt when I got the news. Is this really all happening at once? How can a fit, athletic, non-smoker, 29-year-old have lung cancer?

I found myself for the next few weeks going to the hospital almost daily to see him, to try and encourage him. The good thing is that he had a lot of friends around him and a big family support. I continued to ask God to heal him and for his salvation (as he was of another faith) but he became worse every day. Within weeks, he went from being a healthy athlete to being unable to talk and eat. It was heart breaking. It was during this time that I went on a prebooked holiday to Uganda. Days after arriving in Uganda is when he passed away. This was August 2016. I just couldn’t believe that another close person had passed away within the space of weeks.

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With my cousin, brother and friend Hamim

The pain became unbearable- I could feel the physical heart ache. This lead to panic attacks and depression. Depression is a silent killer which brought along old bad habits/sins, confusion and disconnecting me from the Lord. I stopped hearing and dreaming and was unable to pray. The spirit of fear had taken over and I was unable to sleep at night. I allowed the pain to consume me, and that was a mistake I made. However, at this time, I no longer knew how to deal with it or what to do anymore.

A week after my return from Uganda, my mum woke me up at 6 am. She initially asked me how I slept and if I was okay. I said yes. It was at that time that she informed me that my other grandmother had passed away. This was a lady I had seen the previous week before my return to London. She was fit, healthy and jolly and there was no sign that it would be the last time I would see her. At this moment, I felt like bad news had become the norm of my life. As I continued to suffer from anxiety, I went back to old habits and sins. I felt trapped in a box.

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Last time I saw my grandmother, August 2016

During this time, people would still send me their prayer requests and would ask me when I was next posting a post on Pearl Sisters. But I thought to myself, “How can I encourage some else when I need encouragement myself?”

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As much as people told me I was going to be “alright” and “get through it”, the times when I was alone in my bed  were when the real manifestation of emotions occurred. It was at this stage that I realised that only God was going to get me through and strengthen me.

1 Samuel 30:6 David was greatly distressed because the men were talking of stoning him; each one was bitter in spirit because of his sons and daughters. But David found strength in the LORD his God.

The Holy Spirit reminded me that this was for a season (read the blog post Discerning the season), and this season would pass. I started to discern the tricks the enemy was using to destroy me and my ministry, and knew I needed to stand firm. So I took a step back from ministry to focus on myself, my healing and deliverance.  I knew I needed to continue, to encourage someone that everything will be okay.

I want to encourage you today that regardless of what you are going through, you will get through it alive and in one piece. We all go through stages in life where it is so difficult, painful and sorrowful. But this is the time you need to hold unto God the most. He is the only one who can restore and repair and there is always a great lesson to be learnt. It is okay sometimes to take a step back and reflect, seek God for direction and focus on yourself. Take your time, there is no rush. God has seen every tear, pain, and sadness and it is His will for your to be joyful. Take courage.


In memory of Jajja Namutebi, Jajja Namazzi, JB and Hamim xxx


Discerning the season

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Seasonal people, we are indeed seasonal people. How do we know we are in a particular season and when will it end? Discerning the season can be tricky at times, and requires revelation from the Holy Spirit. Revelation brings about more clarity to ones’ situation, teaches valuable lifelong lessons and gives one hope.

My current season has had more lows than ups and I pondered why God allowed me to walk this journey. It can be depicted as a strong earthquake destroying all that is around it, all in a short frame of time – it is for a season. One may want to ask God What His purpose is for the current season. What is God trying to teach you? How does one pass the test? As uncomfortable as the season may be, one must walk and battle through it to get to the next phase in life.

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My biggest pain in this season has been the departure of John. I was 21 when I met John. I was at a Christian retreat in Uganda and we sat on the same breakfast table . “God is going to use you one day and you will have your own ministry, he said”. At the time I thought it was the most hilarious statement one had ever spoken concerning my life. “I mean people operate in their spiritual gifts as soon as they are born right? I don’t have any and I don’t even know how to pray. Moreover, I have committed the worst sins ever, there was no way God was ever going to be able to use me”. But he insisted He saw the revelation clearly and told me He would walk with me during my spiritual walk. During the prayer meeting, John uttered a few words and the presence of the Holy Spirit touched me in a way I have never experienced before. The Holy Spirit was real and I felt transformed. I later found out that he was one of the ministers at the church and I always admired his humility.

When I returned to the UK, we remained in touch and whenever he had time he continued to guide me in the ways of the Lord. He became like a spiritual father to me. His church grew to countless numbers of attendees, God blessed him with a huge teaching and deliverance ministry. He had his own TV show on the Ugandan television and a slot on the Christian radio station. He was a man who loved people of all dominions and would always go to the hospital to pray for my Islamic grandmother. After witnessing him healing and delivering many individuals, I also witnessed a personal testimony which touched the depth of my heart. He prayed for my unbelieving mother and she received Jesus as her Lord and savior. That was one of the most treasurable moments of my life.

It was always my heart’s desire to be able to pray for the man of God. I wanted him to see the work the Lord had done in me in five years since the retreat. In January 2016, this came to pass and he was astonished by the spiritual growth. It was as if it was a proud father/daughter moment and he encouraged me to keep pushing my ministry.

However, July 2016, John unexpectedly passed away at the age of 40. It was such a tremendous shock to me and it felt as if my life was over. Why him? How am I going to be able to carry on this spiritual journey alone? I physically cannot take this pain. He was such a great spiritual figure in my life, within my family and had become family to us. Why did he have to go so soon? His ministry has only just started and the body of Christ needs him! However, it was his season to be with the Lord.

The Holy Spirit comforted me by referring me back to the disciples and how they responded to Jesus’ crucifixion. They did not fully comprehend His purpose and why He had to leave them. However, they knew they needed to keep walking, keep fighting the good fight of faith and to continue the work Jesus had started. That is what has encouraged me to keep on going.

As much as this season has been a time of mourning, it has also been a season of growth for me spiritually. I have had to learn to stand on my own two feet and strengthen my relationship with the Father. It is a season where I have been forced to be bold and keep my eyes on Jesus, despite my current circumstance. There are aspects of myself I would not have been able to identify had I not gone through this low season and in the long run it has made me a better person. I thank God for the season He gave me with John, for the valuable lessons I learnt from him and for giving me someone who believed in what God was planning for my life. I would not have been the Christian I am not today had I not met him. God has reminded me that the Holy Spirit who worked through John is still alive. We cannot give up, regardless of how painful our current situation is. We have to continue with His work as our time is precious and there is still a lot of work to do!


Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

To everything there is a season,

A time for every purpose under heaven:

A time to be born,

    And a time to die; A time to plant,     And a time to pluck what is planted;  A time to kill,     And a time to heal; A time to break down,     And a time to build up;  A time to weep,     And a time to laugh; A time to mourn,     And a time to dance;  A time to cast away stones,     And a time to gather stones; A time to embrace,     And a time to refrain from embracing;  A time to gain,     And a time to lose; A time to keep,     And a time to throw away;  A time to tear,     And a time to sew; A time to keep silence,     And a time to speak;  A time to love,     And a time to hate; A time of war,     And a time of peace


Growing up fatherless

ps-3Growing up fatherless has moulded me into the individual I am today. The pros and cons intertwined together have made me unique. It was not until I started attending primary school that I realized I didn’t have a father. To me it was normal and I was very content with my loving mother. My earliest memory of desiring a father was during the days leading up to father’s day. Each year, we made lovely gifts for our daddy’s during class time. Each year, I would give the creative item to my mummy and the children in my class did not understand why. They didn’t understand why my dad was not present, let alone that I had never met him. I remember one year, mum wrapping the father’s day gift and she promised me she would personally deliver it to my father on her trip to our motherland. As promised, she captured the memorable moment of the gentleman holding my gift, and two decades later, I still embrace the photographic image.

I did always wonder what it would have been like growing up with a father. How would he have impacted my life? Would life have been easier? Would he be the person I would run to if mum was not able to provide for a particular need? Why was is it that all my friends had both their parents growing up and I did not meet him until the age of 8?

As I became older, I was judged a lot for not having grown up with a father and was automatically labelled as having “daddy issues”. The concept of “daddy issues” lingers among women who did not grow up with their father. As much as the imbalance remains evident in individuals that did not grow up with both parents, this concept should not be used as an immediate judgement towards an individual. However, in instances whereby other things are used to replace the emptiness faced by an individual due to the imbalance, there is a cause of concern.     

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It was always a lifelong prayer for me to get to know my father and spend time with him. God was merciful and this came to pass (read blog post Rejected but not forgotten). The experience was by far the most heartbreaking and painful one I have encountered to date, but I still thank God for answering my prayer.

At times in our lives when we desire things that God never gave us. We wonder whether God made a mistake or whether He forgot about us. We repetitively ask Him  “Why” and it seems God is silence. God is a loving a merciful God who protects His children in ways that one cannot express. In hindsight, I thank God for not allowing me to grow up with my father. I would not have had the great childhood I had and would not have been moulded into the person I am today. God protected me from disappointment and heartache and I thank Him for that. I thought I had missed out but God was protecting me all along.

A word encouragement for all who grew up in similar circumstance as myself: it is well. As cliché as it may sound, God is the only father who will love you unconditionally and never let you down. He is always there to protect you and always has your best interest. Although at times we may not see it, He always wants the best for us. May God teach us to be content with Him.

Matthew 7:11 So if you sinful people know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your heavenly Father give good gifts to those who ask him.

Let us stand together in prayer and ask God to restore us. May He remove all the disappointment, pain, rejection and heal us. May He give us the grace to forgive our parents and to see them the way He sees them. Let us thank God for His hand of protection over us and for the way our life has turned out. Our lives may not have gone the way we had anticipated, but God is still in control. May we rise up above all stereotypes, they shall not define us nor be part of us in Jesus name.

Psalm 27:10 Even if my father and mother abandon me, the LORD will hold me close.

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Growing up fatherless- prayer

Dear heavenly Father,

I give You all praise and all the glory. I thank You for this time. Thank you for preserving and loving me unconditionally. Thank You for the gift of life, it is only by Your grace that I am still alive. Today, I bring the issue concerning my father to You. Lord, I have so many questions, and few answers. It was not easy not growing up fatherless. There were times when I felt rejected, unwanted and unworthy because he was not there. It was not easy and at times I still feel this way. I pray that You will take all these things away in the name of Jesus. I pray that You will replace them with the fruit of the spirit. I pray for Your divine healing, that You will fully heal me from all emotional pain. I pray that You will fill any emptiness I may be feeling. May You turn my mourning into joy. Help me to see the positive aspect in all this. I thank You for all that You have protected me from. Give me the grace to forgive my father for not being there. Help me to love Your son the way You do and to see him the way You see him. Help me to understand that only You can fully satisfy every need. In areas where I have been trying to fill the emptiness with other things, I pray that You will deliver me. Help me not to depend on others but to fully depend on You. I pray that growing up fatherless will only impact by life positively and no longer negatively. I pray that I will see You as my father and may You meet my every need. AMEN

Let go and let God

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Letting go and letting God, is a statement we have been hearing throughout our Christian walks. It sounds so easy, yet takes the grace to be able to fully accomplish. We say to ourselves that we have fully surrendered all to God. But have we really done so? Are there some things we partially surrender and are keeping to ourselves?

Time and time again we deceive ourselves and say we have gotten over something, yet the residues are still hidden within our hearts. We tell ourselves they are not there and cover it up. Other times we are not ready to deal with them and again pretentiously neglect them. Or, we accept that they are there and refuse to let go of them.

A couple of weeks ago, I was feeling troubled. I couldn’t pray, I couldn’t serve the way I would usually do and I had no peace. I tried everything to pin point what may possibly be making me feel this way. It was then that the Lord brought a friend of mine to my attention. As I envisioned this person, emotions of rage, pain, unforgiveness, bitterness and hatred came to my spirit. I remembered all the hurtful things this individual did to me, and the fact that they refused to apologize for it all. I had made up in my heart that I would “forgive” them but never “forget” what they did unless they had apologized.

Jeremiah 17:9 The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?

The Holy Spirit encouraged me to love her, and see her the way He sees her. So I started to pray for her. I prayed for God to change her, for her salvation and for God to remove the heart of stone etc. It was at this point that the Lord gave me a vision, and I was standing in front of a mirror. It was then that He revealed the bitterness, anger, hatred, unforgiveness, lack of compassion and mercy that was buried in my heart towards her. He then showed me my house and it was a total mess. He then told me: You cannot ask me to change someone when you have all this clutter within you. You have clean your own house before you clean another someone else’s.

Matthew 7:3-5 And why do you look at the speck in your brother’s eye, but do not consider the plank in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me remove the speck from your eye’; and look, a plank is in your own eye? Hypocrite! First remove the plank from your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.

It was then that I realized I had not surrendered everything concerning this person to the Lord, and was still holding unto it deep within my heart. Not only so, but the seed of bitterness had taken over my personality. My compassion and mercy for people had been taken over by this seed without me realizing.

We spend so much time focusing on how we feel and on the faults of others. We spend little time examining ourselves and the flaws we have. We are consumed with emotions. We forget how compassionate and pure in heart Jesus was. That even when He was being crucified, He prayed a prayer of compassion.

Luke 23:34 Jesus said, Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.

At times, we find it hard to forgive other people, but if God was to deal with us the same way, based on all the sins we have committed in our entire lifetime, we wouldn’t be worthy of receiving anything.

We are in a season where God is cleansing our hearts, our spirits, our households. The vision the Lord gave me was of a washing machine, and He said that He will use His Holy Spirit to cleanse and regenerate us, if only we are willing. My prayer for you today is that God will give you the grace to fully surrender all that is hidden in your hearts to Him and let go. He wants to restore you and make you whole again. I pray that You will get the courage to stand before that mirror and ask God to reveal all the things still hidden in our hearts that we still hold unto. Only He can heal you and make you whole again

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Let go and Let God – pointers

  • Make a list of all the things hidden that You have been unable to surrender to God.
  • Be honest with God about how you feel about situations you have been unable to surrender to Him.
  • Pray and ask God for the grace to surrender them to Him.
  • Pray for healing, deliverance and restoration with your heart, mind and spirit.
  • Imagine yourself standing before a mirror and ask God reveal all the hidden things within your heart that are not pleasing unto Him.
  • Pray and ask God to deliver you from these sins.
  • Use the word of God to speak positivity over these sins and replace them with positive words (e.g the fruit of the Spirit-Galatians 5:22-23).
  • Ask God to give you spiritual eyes to see His children the way He sees them.
  • Pray for God to give you a heart of compassion and mercy towards His children.
  • Ask God to give you a tongue that declares positivity over your life daily.

 


Let go and let God – youtube teaching

Reuniting the household

If one where to ask you to describe your family in five words, what would you come up with? How many of us would have positive things to say about our family members? Do we display a perfect image, and yet have underlying issues? Are we ready to deal with these issues, or are they better off buried away? Every family has issues- every one of them. With some, it is more evident than others and a lot of the time we would prefer to leave things the way they are, rather than dealing with them.

We are in a season where the Lord wants to restore our families. Not only does He want to restore, He wants to reunite our households. The family unit is very powerful, in particular when it operates in unity- hence why the enemy constantly tries to bring division. Just imagine your entire family sold out for Christ, praying and aligning to the will of God. You would collectively demolish the kingdom of darkness and contribute to building God’s kingdom.

God has given individuals as well as families a purpose that will add to His kingdom. However, most families are broken and that is not of God. He has seen the cries, pains, sorrows and disappointments within our families and He wants to knit us back together.

Joel 2:25-26 So I will restore to you the years that the swarming locust has eaten, The crawling locust, The consuming locust, And the chewing locust, My great army which I sent among you. You shall eat in plenty and be satisfied, And praise the name of the Lord your God, Who has dealt wondrously with you; And My people shall never be put to shame.

In this season, God wants to cleanse our hearts from the unforgiveness, selfishness, strive, bitterness, anger, jealousy, envy and all things that do not please Him. He’s clearing out our homes and rearranging it the way He ordained for it to be. God is tearing down the old foundation of our family and is building a new one.

Joshua 24:15 But as for me and my household, we will serve the LORD

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The scripture the Holy Spirit gave me is If a house is divided against itself, that house cannot stand – Mark 3:25. We need one another! Even within His Kingdom, He calls us the body of Christ. He has purposefully made us unique with different spiritual gifts. When we all come together and operate according to His will, we become an empire of greatness. God wants the same for our families. We all have a unique identity, duty and have role to play in our families. The way He showed it to me is that our families can me compared to a puzzle. Without each puzzle piece being put together, the puzzle is incomplete. You may ask yourself why God has placed you in your family? Why did He give you the relatives you have? It may seem like they don’t have a role to play in our lives. In fact, sometimes we wonder whether God made a mistake. However, when He created you, He knew He would raise you up and use you to intercede for your family and save not only a generation but a nation! Sometimes we are so focused on our own needs that we forget to ask God what His purpose is in it. And although the road may have been rocky at times, it was not in vain. There is always something for us to learn and God will always bring something good out of it

Genesis 50:20 But as for you, you meant evil against me; but God meant it for good, in order to bring it about as it is this day, to save many people alive.

In first vision I had, I saw God’s mighty hand capturing His children and bringing them back home. This included children who had driven far away from Him. He was drawing family members back to their households, like the prodigal son (read The return of the prodigal son) Hence why in this season it is crucial for us to keep praying for our lost relatives. There is no person who God cannot capture and rebuild in His goodness. In the second vision, I saw Jesus in our homes and He was weeping. As He shed tears, our homes were being cleansed. I then saw Him with a broom and He was sweeping our homes. He was removing all that He did not place in our homes and in our hearts. God is indeed with us and is doing a new thing.

Haggai 2:9 The glory of this present house will be greater than the glory of the former house,’ says the LORD Almighty. ‘And in this place I will grant peace,’ declares the LORD Almighty.”

I encourage you today to continue pray for your unsaved relatives and those who you find hard to forgive. It takes the grace of God. God loves them as much as He loves us and He as entrusted us to continue to pray for their salvation. May this year be known as the year where the Lord restored our families, reconciled us and did a new thing in our homes.


Reuniting the household- pointers

  • Come to the Lord with a genuine repentant heart. Ask Him to forgive you for your sins.
  • Pray that God will give you the grace to forgive all your relatives and for Him to heal and restore you.
  • Be honest with God about how you feel about particular relatives or incidents that have happened in your family.
  • Ask God reveal all the emotions/feelings we have towards one another and pray that He will remove them.
  • Restoration of headship. Invite Jesus into our home and pray that He will be the centre of your household.
  • Ask God to restore your home and for there to be divine order.
  • Make a list and ask God for all the things you want Him to do in your household.
  • Pray that the love of God, which is unconditional will manifest in your household.
  • Ask God to reveal all generational curses that may still be holding you back as a family, and ask the Holy Spirit to help you pray over these matters.
  • Cancel any negative word which was spoken by relatives and declare positivity over it.
  • Ask God what your families purpose is in the kingdom. Every single one of us has been given a spiritual gift and has a purpose.
  • Pray for the salvation of your lost relatives (see Salvation of a loved one)
  • Ask God on how you and your family can move forward together in unity.
  • Talk out your issues with family members. God wants to iron out our issues, resolve them, so we can move forward.

Let us stand together and pray in unity for the reconciliation and restoration by clicking on the video below:

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Fall from grace

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I fell from grace, yes me. Not only did I drastically fall, I fell flat on my face. Undeniably self-absorbed that I could never fall, the concept of grace became more evident to me. How can one know the Lord, fear Him, know the word of God and still fall? ‘Now that I have fallen, what do I do now? Do I suffer in silence and pretend I never sinned? Who can I confide in without being judged? Will God really forgive me?’

Not only was my fall an eye opener to the underlying sins I was still dealing with, it made me realize that God has given us His spiritual gifts by grace and not works. If it was by works, I would not be entitled to any. He does not bless us because of our ‘good deeds’. In addition to this, God remains merciful and although we fall short, He does not take the gifts away.

There was a question which I pondered upon, and the Holy Spirit gave me the scripture which elaborated upon it. It feels as if the things I am trying to avoid doing, are very irresistible. Why do I still desire them?

Romans 7:14-20 We know that the Law is spiritual; but I am unspiritual, sold as a slave to sin. I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do, I do not do. But what I hate, I do. And if I do what I do not desire, I admit that the Law is good. In that case, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it. I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my flesh; for I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For I do not do the good I want to do. Instead, I keep on doing the evil I do not want to do. And if I do what I do not want, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.

After falling, I went to the Lord and poured out. I told Him everything and cleared my heart. I had also accepted that if God was never going to forgive me it was okay, as I was not worthy of being forgiven. I was expecting the biggest punishment and was ready to never receive any more blessings from God. But instead, I felt warmth around me, a peace which was indescribable as well as a love that heals a wound instantly. I felt as if God was saying that He already knew I was going to fall, and that it will not change the way He sees me or the course of my life. He promised me that honour and favour would still be my portion, despite all I had done.

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The Holy Spirit then took me to the book of 2 Samuel 12:1-25 (do read in your spare time). The story narrates about the sinful deeds David committed by sleeping with another man’s wife, impregnating her and then killing her husband (Uriah). However, when the prophet Nathan metaphorically spoke to David about the sins he had committed, David not realizing it was about him. David wanted ‘the sinful man’ to pay for his deeds.

2 Samuel 12:5-6 So David’s anger was greatly aroused against the man, and he said to Nathan, “As the Lord lives, the man who has done this shall surely die!  And he shall restore fourfold for the lamb, because he did this thing and because he had no pity.

This shows us that God’s ways are not like mans’ and the way He sees us is not the way we see ourselves. However, David had a repentant heart, and was willing to change.

2 Samuel 13:15 So David said to Nathan, “I have sinned against the Lord.” And Nathan said to David, “The Lord also has put away your sin; you shall not die. However, because by this deed you have given great occasion to the enemies of the Lord to blaspheme, the child also who is born to you shall surely die.” Then Nathan departed to his house.

Moreover, despite David’s sins, God refers to Him as a man after God’s own heart- Acts 13:22.

Not only did God, bless him with another son, He was blessed with Solomon, a king and one of the wisest men to have ever lived.

2 Samuel 13:24-25 Then David comforted Bathsheba his wife, and went in to her and lay with her. So she bore a son, and he called his name Solomon. Now the Lord loved him, and He sent word by the hand of Nathan the prophet: So he called his name Jedidiah, because of the Lord.

In addition to this, Jesus was born into the lineage of David.

What a merciful God we serve indeed!

As long as you are still alive, we are bound to fall in one way or another and can only overcome sin by the grace of God. (Romans 3:10 As it is written: “There is no one righteous, not even one). Nevertheless, the key to victory is how you get up after falling (Proverbs 24:16..for though the righteous fall seven times, they rise again, but the wicked stumble when calamity strikes)

If you are like me and you have fallen from grace, open Your heart to your Father and pour out. Tell Him exactly how you feel and act in genuine repentance. Ask Him to give You the grace to move forward and to live a righteous life. Ask God to deliver you from whatever sin you are dealing with, for Him to uproot the weeds- He is able. God is a merciful Father and loves you unconditionally, all He wants is for His child to return to Him and not to perish.

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Do have a look at our youtube teaching ‘falling during your Christian walk’ that goes along side this blog post

Judgement from man

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We are in a season where God is cleansing and delivering us from our impurities and things we do that are not pleasing to Him. One of the things that the Holy Spirit placed on my heart is the passing of judgement upon others. As much as it looks like a minor thing, it is a big issue within the body of Christ and we have all partaken in it one way or another. It may not be verbally, but God knows what is in our hearts. It is by grace that God has not publicly revealed to others all things hidden within our hearts. And yet when He does bring certain things to our attention, it is for our good. He then calls us to change, repent and pray. However, when man judges, it is far from this standard and is not pleasing unto God. How do we stop judging others? By prayer and the grace of God.

When we look at the book of Romans- chapter 2, God clearly illustrates His displease towards judging one another.

Romans 2:1 You, therefore, have no excuse, you who pass judgment on someone else, for at whatever point you judge another, you are condemning yourself, because you who pass judgment do the same things.

This made me realize that the way we perceive ourselves and others is not the way God does. How would we feel if God judged us the same way as we judge others?

Romans 2:3-4 So when you, a mere human being, pass judgment on them and yet do the same things, do you think you will escape God’s judgment? Or do you show contempt for the riches of his kindness, forbearance and patience, not realizing that God’s kindness is intended to lead you to repentance?

God makes it clear that we are no different from the person we are judging. One is not better than the other in His sight and is it important for us to live according to the fruit of the spirit (Galatians 5:22-23).

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At times, it is so easy to identify a fault in someone else without examining our own hearts. May God have mercy upon us.

Matthew 7:4-5 How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.

God wants us to change and repent for our unrighteous ways, so that we will not perish on the day of judgement.

Romans 2:5 But because of your stubbornness and your unrepentant heart, you are storing up wrath against yourself for the day of God’s wrath, when his righteous judgment will be revealed.

And He continues:

Romans 2:6-11

God “will repay each person according to what they have done.” To those who by persistence in doing good seek glory, honor and immortality, he will give eternal life. But for those who are self-seeking and who reject the truth and follow evil, there will be wrath and anger. There will be trouble and distress for every human being who does evil: first for the Jew, then for the Gentile; but glory, honor and peace for everyone who does good: first for the Jew, then for the Gentile. For God does not show favoritism.

May God help us to be true servants of Christ, and help one another with our spiritual walks, rather than judging one another and being hypocrites!

Romans 2:19-22

if you are convinced that you are a guide for the blind, a light for those who are in the dark, an instructor of the foolish, a teacher of little children, because you have in the law the embodiment of knowledge and truth—  you, then, who teach others, do you not teach yourself? You who preach against stealing, do you steal?  You who say that people should not commit adultery, do you commit adultery? You who abhor idols, do you rob temples?

My prayer today is that God will give us the grace to not judge one another but pray for each other. May He deliver us from judgement, condemnation, gossip, slander and all other impurities in our hearts. Let us go to the Lord with a genuine repentant heart, He shall indeed deliver us!

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Judgement from man-prayer

Dear heavenly Father,

I thank You for this time, and for the grace and mercy that You shower upon my life daily. Thank You for the gift of life and for loving me unconditionally. I pray that I will fulfill all You have set out for me to do today. Lord, I come before You with a repentant heart. I am guilty of judging Your children, openly and in my heart. I pray that You will forgive me and have mercy upon me, because I am also not perfect. I fall short of Your standards daily, and I am not in a position to judge anyone. I pray that You will cleanse, deliver and remove all impurities from my heart that are not pleasing unto You. Give me the grace not to judge Your children. I pray for the fruit of the spirit, which will enable me to live according to Your ways. Continue to reveal all the things I do that are not pleasing unto You, so that I can change, repent and pray about it. In Jesus name, AMEN.

Holiness from heaven

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How does one define celibacy? The world defines celibacy as the state of voluntary being unmarried, sexually abstinent, or both, usually for religious reasons. It is often in association with the role of a religious official or devotee. In addition to this, individual Christians have set their own rules of “do’s and do not’s” during the celibacy walk. But how does God see celibacy? What is true celibacy in God’s eyes?

I have found that in this day and age, Christians have really misused the concept of celibacy. For some, it is because of lack of knowledge (Hosea 4:6), others it is a way of acceptance and honour within the community. When I sought the Lord concerning this issue, He kept referring me back to holiness. What is holiness in the sight of God and how does it override celibacy? As a Christian who has fallen many times and had to get back up, I always wondered how other Christians did it. Am I the problem or are people not truthful with what they are dealing with? Why do we keep falling?

The Holy Spirit ministered to me and said it was because our hearts are not pure. We continually cut the grass, but do not uproot the plant. We claim we are living pure, holy, righteous lives yet our hearts are filthy. The Holy Spirit said it is not so much the sin, the sin is a product of what are hearts have been feeding on. Feeding on it is just as bad as acting upon it. And if you feed on it, it is just a matter of time before it brings about ungodly fruits (Galatians 6:7 Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows).

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The Lord is calling us to holiness, holiness which is found in heaven. God would rather have us go one whole day in divine holiness, than years of celibacy with a filthy heart. It is not the duration; it is what you do during that time. The Holy Spirit continued and said that if you are:

  • Masturbating
  • Watching pornography
  • Dwelling on former lustful activities
  • Imagining future lustful activities
  • Looking at lustful images
  • Looking at an individual in a lustful manner

You are no different from someone who is involved in the act because you are uniting yourself with spirits of lust, sexual immorality, perversion, fornication and jezebel.

Also, people are not honest about the things they are struggling with. It could be because they do not want to be judged, or because they think they are only ones’ dealing with it. However, if we do not speak up about these things and stand together in prayer, how will we ever overcome?

In addition to this, if one does slip, do not stay in that situation, that is what the enemy wants. Do not be afraid of what others will say, they are also not righteous. Come to the Lord with a repentant heart and He will forgive you Romans 3:23 for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God

God is very serious about His coming and for us to stand in holiness and righteousness in every aspect of our lives. I have repetitively had a dream of my wedding day. In each of the times, the wedding came unexpected, I was not prepared, ready or dressed. But the wedding services continued. This symbolized that I was not ready for the return of Jesus.

One has to ask themselves, that If Jesus was to come back today, would He find you ready?

Revelation 19:7-8

Let us rejoice and be glad and give him glory! For the wedding of the Lamb has come, and his bride has made herself ready. Fine linen, bright and clean, was given her to wear.

(Fine linen stands for the righteous acts of God’s holy people)

Let us stand together and genuinely repent to our Father for our filthy hearts. May He cleanse our hearts from the root, renew our minds and let us replace the empty holes in our hearts with the word of God. May God reveal all the things that are still hindering us from living a holy life. May He give us daily grace to keep walking and to overcome the temptations that come our way. May our hearts be pleasing in His sight. May He give us the grace that even when ungodly thoughts come our way, we will resist them. I pray that when Jesus returns, He will find us ready, prepared without any blemishes in the name of Jesus.


Holiness from heaven-prayer

Dear heavenly Father,

I thank You for this day, time and for allowing me to come into Your presence. It is by grace that You have preserved me for a time like this. Thank You for my life, my family and friends. I pray that You will continue to protect us and shield us from the plans of the enemy. Lord, I come before you as a sinner. I have sinned in ways man does not know. I pray Lord that You will have mercy upon me. Have mercy for all the times I have been ungodly and have fallen short of Your standard of holiness. I pray that You will cleanse my heart from the root, and uproot anything in my heart that is not pleasing unto You. (Psalm 51:10 Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me)

I repent for all the hidden sins all the ungodly thoughts and the hypocrisy, have mercy upon me. Deliver me from sexual immorality, lust, perversion, fornication and Jezebel. Help me to be transparent with You when I am spiritually struggling. Assign angels to me to guide and strengthen me. I desire the holiness, purity and righteousness which is found in heaven. Help me not to conform to the ways of this world, but to strive to attain Your standard of holiness. I pray that You will prepare me and that You will find me ready when You return. In Jesus name, AMEN


Daily declarations

  • I am God’s watchman and my eyes shall be used for the work of God.
  • I am God’s mouthpiece and I shall declare what is pleasing unto the Lord.
  • My body is the temple of the Holy Spirit and shall remain holy, as God is holy.
  • My heart is pure and rooted with things that please the Lord.
  • My mind is renewed in the ways of the Lord.
  • I will overcome every temptation that comes my way through Christ Jesus.
  • I shall walk by the ways of the spirit and not of the flesh.
  • My thoughts are the Lord’s thoughts; His ways are my ways.
  • There shall be no retrograding in my spiritual life

The return of the prodigal son

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There have been a number of times in my Christian walk when I have fallen away from the Lord. I was distracted, gave in to the desires of this world and unwilling to give up my own personal desires. Other times, I felt too embarrassed and disgraced to return back to the Lord. How do I return back to God? I know Him, He speaks to me, I know the word- how can He forgive me?. I am no longer worthy of being His servant. Also, the judgement of others was something I feared and dreaded. What will other Christians think of me if they knew the sin I had committed? My Christian friends make the Christian walk look so easy, perhaps there is something wrong with me.

Returning back to the Lord after falling is something that requires humility and genuine repentance. It is not always easy to forget the mistakes we have made, but God is ready to wash it away and give us countless chances in life (2 Chronicles 7:14 If my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, and I will forgive their sin and will heal their land).

I want to encourage you today, that regardless of what you have done that may not have been pleasing to God, He still loves you. God cares about you, and the fact that You are still alive shows that He still has a great plan for your life. The enemy tries to deceive us by whispering lies to make us feel less worthy. However, it is written: Romans 8:1-2 There is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus who do not walk according to the flesh, but according to the Spirit. For the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus has made me free from the law of sin and death.

In Luke 15, God illustrates His unconditional love and joy towards us:

The parable of the lost sheep

Luke 15:4-7 What man of you, having a hundred sheep, if he loses one of them, does not leave the ninety-nine in the wilderness, and go after the one which is lost until he finds it? And when he has found it, he lays it on his shoulders, rejoicing. And when he comes home, he calls together his friends and neighbors, saying to them, ‘Rejoice with me, for I have found my sheep which was lost!’  I say to you that likewise there will be more joy in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine just persons who need no repentance.

You are very precious to the Lord, He loves you so much that He is willing to leave behind His other children to go after you. You are dear to Him, and He rejoices when You return back to Him. No matter how big the sin, He is ready to embrace you and call you His child

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God continues to emphasize on His delight in us returning to Him and how much He honors genuine repentance:

The parable of the lost coin:

Luke 15:8-10 “Or what woman, having ten silver coins, if she loses one coin, does not light a lamp and sweep the house and seek diligently until she finds it?  And when she has found it, she calls together her friends and neighbors, saying, ‘Rejoice with me, for I have found the coin that I had lost.  Just so, I tell you, there is joy before the angels of God over one sinner who repents.”

Lastly, in the Parable of the prodigal son (Luke 15:11-32), a son greedily asks his father for his inheritance, which he then recklessly squanders and is left with nothing- not even food to eat! However, he humbled himself and returned home to his father and asked for forgiveness. His father felt compassionate towards his son and was grateful that his son was still alive and came back home. He did not condemn him for the sin he committed, but embraced him with love (Luke 15:22-24 But the father said to his servants, ‘Bring quickly the best robe, and put it on him, and put a ring on his hand, and shoes on his feet. And bring the fattened calf and kill it, and let us eat and celebrate. For this my son was dead, and is alive again; he was lost, and is found.’ And they began to celebrate).

Regardless of how far astray you have gone from God, it is not too late to come back. God is patiently waiting for you, to shower you with His unconditional love and welcome you back home. In your own words, pray and speak to your Father; converse with Him the way you would with your best friend. Pour out and tell Him exactly how you feel and pursue genuine repentance.

If you are believing God for the salvation of a loved one or are praying for someone who has backslidden, keep pressing on, its not too late ( see the blog post: Salvation of a loved one). The prodigal son is still able to come back home in Jesus name! 

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Compromising your faith

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The decision to walk in uncompromising faith is a daily battle we have to face. The temptations of this world seem endless. It feels so good and yet it is so wrong in God’s eyes- the struggles of the flesh. The inability to choose between God and man- the battle of the mind. Walking the narrow road alone or strolling on the broad road with a friend- which way to choose? A temporary fulfillment on earth or eternal glory in heaven- patience. Willing to remain unpopular and gain everlasting recognition- long suffering. Is it worth letting you desires die to please your creator? – obedience.

I recently found myself in a compromising situation and had to choose between man and God. The pressures of this world and my emotions got the best of me. Acting upon this, I considered compromising my faith for a temporary situation. Thoughts kept rushing through my mind “God will forgive me anyways, His grace is sufficient” “This is not as bad as it looks, God will somehow find a way of blessing me in this”. Those were all lies from the pit of hell.

However, deep down in my heart I had no peace about the matter and continued pondering over it. Overwhelmingly, I turned to friends for advice: some supported my decision, others did not. What do I do? By the grace of God, a friend of mine shared a dream that she had about me. She did not know I had been battling with this decision. However, in the dream she had, I had made the compromising decision and my life was a mess. I had turned away fully from God and was unhappy. There was a lot shame over my life and I was alone.

I had a dream a few days later, where the Lord said to me “I am pleased with you, however do not make the compromise because it will ruin all the plans I have for you”. I then woke up. The fear of the Lord gripped me and gave me the strength to walk away from the situation and trust God.

Matthew 5:30 And if your right hand causes you to stumble, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to go into hell.

It was by grace that God spoke to my friend and myself in a dream. However, what if He had not warned me, where would I be now? Especially, if I had made the decision solely on my emotions, feelings and the pressures around me. Not compromising my faith resulted in shame, pain, disgrace and losing someone very dear to me. I am thankful for this, as it was all temporary and in the long run has given me honour.

Matthew 5:10 Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

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Hebrews 10:26-27 If we deliberately keep on sinning after we have received the knowledge of the truth, no sacrifice for sins is left,  but only a fearful expectation of judgment and of raging fire that will consume the enemies of God.


Compromising your faith- prayer

  • My prayer for us today is that God will forgive us for all the times we have compromised our faith one way or another. May God forgive us for when we have taken His grace for granted. Ephesians 2:8-9 For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— not by works, so that no one can boast.
  • Let us repent for when we put our own desires before His and for the times we have been disobedient. May God forgive us for the times we have tried to please man and disappointed God. Matthew 16:26 What good will it be for someone to gain the whole world, yet forfeit their soul? Or what can anyone give in exchange for their soul?
  • May God give us the strength and grace to overcome the daily battles we face and not to give into the ways of this world. May He teach us to be selfless and let His ways be our ways. John 3:30 He must become greater; I must become less
  • May God forgive us for all the times we have been ashamed of doing His will and tried to blend into the ways of this world. Luke 12:8-9 I tell you, whoever publicly acknowledges me before others, the Son of Man will also acknowledge before the angels of God. But whoever disowns me before others will be disowned before the angels of God
  • May He continue to empower us as His children and remain courageous and bold to fight the good fight of faith. Luke 9:23-26 Then he said to them all: “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me. For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will save it. What good is it for someone to gain the whole world, and yet lose or forfeit their very self? Whoever is ashamed of me and my words, the Son of Man will be ashamed of them when he comes in his glory and in the glory of the Father and of the holy angels.

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